So our sex life was problematic for several years.
Beloved had struggled to find a job in her field on the East Coast. She finally decided to pursue options in California, where she had more professional contacts. I supported her in this because it looked like the best option for her professionally. Career is very important to Beloved, more important than me actually. I've always known that she would choose her career over me in a pinch. Our first breakup was tinged with that although she never really acknowledged this. I was content to be a close second in her priorities. In our day to day lives, I never felt like less of a priority for her but I knew in a crisis she will pick her career over me.
After a lot of networking and hard work, she was offered a great job in California. Ironically, six months before she left my desire for sex started to return. I don't know why - I think partly my hormonal changes were over. I started to want sex again and our sex life became more frequent. But by that point sex between us was so fraught with emotion and tension, that it was anxious and worrying rather than joyous.
Not long after her move to California, we discussed opening up our marriage. I had told her long ago that I had trouble imagining having a completely closed, monogamous marriage forever. I had actually forgotten that I said that but she remembered it. When gay marriage seemed like it would become reality in many states, we talked over if we wanted to be married or not.
I have never wanted a traditional marriage which felt emotionally like a trap to me. I don't do well if I feel trapped - physically, emotionally or mentally. It is a powerful trigger for me. Beloved is actually quite traditional in her thinking, if not her behavior. I am not very traditional in my thinking but generally act conservatively. For example, I was monogamous with Beloved until we agreed to open things up.
Anyway, we agreed to open up our marriage.