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Old 10-13-2011, 10:47 PM
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Magdlyn Magdlyn is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Metro West Massachusetts
Posts: 6,323

Iloveyoutwo, welcome to the board. I've had experience with a similar scenario on the past, and am currently struggling with the temptation again. I will share them here, hoping you can somehow learn something from them.

Back when my ex and I split (after 30 years), I knew I wanted to be poly, but didnt have it all figured out yet. I met a guy on ok cupid in a long term sexless marriage. He fell in love with me, and I felt fondly towards him. It was never "in love" for me, but love as I'd love a good friend.

His wife had bad physical and mental illnesses which made her reclusive and unable to work, in the home or outside of it. They had a teen son with the same mental illness. J's job and his insurance were needed for her medical care. She was off sex... they had a vanilla quickie, where she laid there like a dead fish, about twice a year. Besides being ill, she was also a bitch, he'd tell me the horrible ways she treated him. He'd have been much better off without her, but cared enough to stay so she could have health insurance.

After a couple of months and hours of IMing, I met with him. We had a friendship for 2 years and had sex a handful of times. J was also bisexual and since I am, that was another bond. We even went to a nudist camp together the last time we met. It was a lifelong dream of his, and it took him a year to convince me to go (but I loved it!).

After 2 years, a handful of meetings and hundreds of hours of great supportive talks about jobs and kids and all kinds of stuff, we finally broke it off. I feel I did bring some joy and beauty into a life that was rather dark and sad. He could be himself around me! However, since I am a positive actualized person, I gradually felt brought down by his sad homelife, and his feelings he was powerless to change things.
Love withers under constraint; its very essence is liberty. It is compatible neither with envy, jealousy or fear. It is there most pure, perfect and unlimited when its votaries live in confidence, equality and unreserve. -- Shelley

Mags (poly, F, 62) loving Pixie (poly, F, 40) since January 2009, living together since 2013
Seeing Kahlo (polyish, M, 45)
Master, (mono, M, 36), Pixie's Dom/bf for 3+ years
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