Thread: Triad Equality
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Old 10-31-2009, 12:32 AM
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Sunshinegrl Sunshinegrl is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ceoli View Post
I'm not exactly sure what your problem is with me, but feel free to take up over PM. I suspect anything I say would be met with a similar tone. It's interesting that I and others have made this very point repeatedly in this thread and in others and now finally you say something like "WELL DUH" as if this is a point that doesn't even need to be said. It certainly seems that a lot of these threads wouldn't even be necessary if this was a "duh" point with people. ::shrug::


As for your other point, I agree entirely, as you would see from this thread:

http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showt...?t=1024&page=3

Where just this morning I said this very thing:
Funny, Because that basicly what I have been saying also. Even going so far to offer solutions to the meet the need for Equality/balance. And I Also said back on page 1, that what was sort after was balance.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Sunshinegrl View Post
Perhaps a Balance is what you striving for. Things should be balanced. That all involed should have balance. I don't think that Things like taking off wedding rings.. A rg is a sign of commitment. Sure its fair for you to be married... You and HMA made the Choice to make that Commitment. Should you decide to make a simmilar/equivelant commitment to Anne in the future then Perhaps you can wear another ring or item to signify that? Seems fair to me.

In the grand scheme of things Vi asked about the NEED/Requirement to take off her ring. Whether it was fair to her that HMA assumed she would /or had too. And about if it was unreasonable when seeking Equality within the triad.

Quote:
Originally Posted by violet View Post
Triad Equality

So, someone tell me if I'm waaaaaaay off base here. HMA and I had a conversation last night about a “truly equal” triad. And I'm having a really, really hard time getting my head around it all. I think I just need to rant for a minute to help get my head on straight.

The big point of contention was marriage. HMA and I have been engaged since roughly March of this year, and are planning our wedding for September. We had kicked around some hypothetical ideas for practicalities sake (ie, our third whether it be Anne or someone else and I getting married, etc.), but after a LOT of thought, I decided that based on personal values, and based on how much marriage means to me, that I'm not willing to give up being HMA's wife. It's too important to me .

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ceoli
I like the idea of that kind of natural geometry you speak of. People change and their needs change throughout a relationship..sometimes from day to day and sometimes over many years. The relationships that thrive (poly and mono) are the ones who's shape can shift and change with the needs of the people in it.
This I agree with 100% . I wouldnt be in this type of relationship if We were not able to shift and change. So Amazingly. Something we actually agree on.

And I Only have one issue with you..Which I am happy to share right here. The fact that you seem to think that you are the be all and end all of the rules and regulations in regards to being a third . Until that post quoted above you seemed to have no understanding of the need to be flexible and sometimes even unequal to achieve happiness. As I have pointed out before. NOTHING is ever truly equal or fair. EVER. You simply learn to work with it to make it work for you. Balance.

I will also say that What RP had to say before was also the perspective I have of you from the posts I have read of yours on this forum. I dont know you In RL. But from what I have known of you that you have posted here it seemed pretty spot on. JMO. Weather you agree with it or not it seemed to be a fair assumption based on the perception you give in your posts.I truly hope that you find a relationship ( primary/triad/mono whatever) that works for you and that you are happy and all that jazz.
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