Thank you all so much for your thoughtful replies. I am still digesting but there were many useful things said. I don't necessarily agree with everything, but I'm not going to get into a debate.
I will say this real quick: Yes, my husband and he have met and my husband is quite fond of him and is sympathetic to the issues I struggle with in this relationship.
I do believe the children are suffering, as indicated by things my bf has shared about the home life. There is sooooooo much I need to talk about with my bf to get him to think about his situation more, but as of late we have had almost no time together due to work.
I, too, do not believe in accidents. Right now, my main focus is just one day at a time. I might reply more later. Got to get the kids to school and I'm going on a field trip with my youngest today.