Update - Had the Conversation!
Thank you all again for all your thoughts and advice. I have an update.
Last night was date night and I did, indeed, find Jean in a good mood, talkative, relaxed, and once we got home, we were catching up on Survivor for this season and just talking about anything and everything.
Somehow the subject of Danny and his health came up because he just had bloodwork done, then the conversation flow naturally went towards him. I asked her if she was attracted to him and she said yes. Then I said, do you ever think about sleeping with him? Because, if you did, I said, I would understand and maybe we could have a conversation about the possibility of that. She asked if I was saying that because it was something I wanted to do, and then the conversation took a bad turn.
She said if she cheated on me, I would be none the wiser except that she would probably break up with me first. I would never know about it. She doesn't see how if you love someone and are committed to them you can sexually desire someone else. I told her that to me, you could enjoy sex with someone you cared about without necessarily being in love with them. She said that we do not have the same morals, that I have changed - not in a good way, and then she said that she thinks I am attracted to Danny as a lover. She pointed out that he would never sleep with either of us because he respects the relationship, which is apparently more than I do.
She said I am always rubbing on him, talking to him when the three of us are out, at the business when it's not busy he and I stand in the back and chat. She said if that's something you want to pursue with him, let me know. And I said, why, so that you can break up with me? And she said, "Basically, yes."
I told her I hoped she felt secure enough in our relationship to be able to have these discussions, and I tried to smooth things over, but I think she was still really upset. She obviously thinks that this point of view makes me not a good person, and reflects bad character on my part, as well as lack of morals.
So, I will not be bringing up this topic again, and I am going to distance myself from Danny. I do not want to lose Jean over this, and with the business scenario moving full steam ahead, it is best to take a step back and do all I can to preserve the friendship of all three of us. I did mention that I thought it would be nice to have someone to share my hopes and dreams with that she doesn't share, and she kept saying, that's why you have friends (ok BlackUnicorn, you were right on that point).
Clearly, like swinging, this lifestyle isn't for everyone. Although I was personally open to exploring it, Jean was not, so I'm going to let all this go and you probably won't be hearing much from me again. But so many of you offered advice, caring, guidance, etc. that I did want to thank you all for that. I am very resiliant and things will work out for me one way or another.