1. I think you know the correct answer is to not act on those impulses, even though it's going to suck and you're probably just going to smolder. Have you talked to her and maybe worked out a situation/schedule where you can avoid each other as much as is practical, if you really think you are going to need help giving in to your desires?
2. Have you tried couples counseling yet? Are there any poly-aware professionals in your area?
3. No. (I've only figured myself out and identified as poly in the last five months and haven't worked up the courage to come out yet.)