I just gotta say that nycin has been super helpful to me this past year. I know sometimes she can give some "tough love" comments, or even miss the mark, but overall her intentions are always good. And I can't tell you how many times she has actually NAILED something that I was completely clueless about! I think it's extremely kind and thoughtful of her to even bother reading the stuff I write, really. I'm sorry some of her comments have rubbed you the wrong way.
I think there is a good possibility of you and VC repairing things if you try to stay in the PRESENT. The lies, although they still sting and rip you up, were in the past. She is not sneaking around behind your back at this very moment, right? So just for today, you can enjoy each other's company if you stay off the hurts of the past for a little while. NOT to say they are just going to evaporate on their own. But you two need some good moments, to get you through this time. Moments of lightness, of laughter, of enjoying your kids and your -- just for today -- intact family. I think it's hard to count your blessings when things used to be SO good between you, and now it feels like it crashed all the harder. But from what it sounds like, you two had it better than MOST married couples do, and maybe you still do, actually!
I know what the lies can do. But if you have hope, you can get through them -- and I guess what I'm trying to say is, today I am sensing hope, for you guys.