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Old 10-12-2011, 12:59 PM
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Podunk Podunk is offline
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Originally Posted by Podunk View Post
I don't prefer swinging. You could count our swinging dates on one hand. It's not the deeper connection that hit me, it's the LIES AND BROKEN TRUST!!!

There would have been a lot to process here, that much is obvious. It was our first real poly experience, our first solo experience, it was 400 miles away and for 8 days! Add to that our personal histories. Outside of our few swinging experiences, each of us could count our romantic and sexual partners on one hand as well! How many people have come on here all broken up over a simple first date? This was a lot bigger than that!

And anyone looking at the situation would have known that, right? Who would have expected it not be an emotionally complex situation? Only person I know who saw it that way was veganchick. She was WRONG! Even more than me, SHE wasn't ready to handle this situation!

That is what led us to where we are today. I never had a chance to accept her week with Paul for what it was, never had a chance to process it in any reasonable or rational way. All I got was a huge shitpile of lies, deceit and broken trust and was left to figure it all out in the midst of that.
I wrote the above yesterday as a response in veganchick's thread, but I decided to share it here too. I don't have much to add to it right now. The words above led to a middle of the night discussion. We ended up back in the place of hurt, lies, deception and pain. We emotionally beat each other up all over again. We parted as anything but friends.

That said, a funny thing happened. I immediately sent veganchick a message telling her simply that I love her. Veganchick didn't get that message right away, she was busy coming to my defense in her blog. Will things grow from that? Will we ever find the courage to be kind and loving again in person? It's too hard right now, when I look at her it hurts. When I look at her, I see the beautiful amazing woman who is my wife. Then the pain of the lies and broken trust surfaces. The two things are so contradictory. I don't know if they can ever be reconciled.
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