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Old 10-12-2011, 08:23 AM
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veganchick veganchick is offline
Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 26

Originally Posted by nycindie View Post
At some point, the other person has to make a choice to forgive. Until he does, no amount of trying to prove anything to him will be good enough.

Podunk seems to like this idea of being this kind of fatherly guide to you, the sage one who will encourage and direct you toward what he believes is good for your personal growth. Perhaps it was all too much for him to see you find your own way and make your own choices (and mistakes), however insecure and self-doubting you were. He certainly seems focused on how you have "done everything all wrong" and that it is absolutely irreparable.
Podunk has been very supportive of me over the years. Shortly after we met, I experienced a traumatic life event and he was there to pick up the pieces. He gave me them back to me and allowed me to assemble the puzzle as I'd like. In many ways, I have grown up with him - we met when I was 24. He is almost a decade older than me and had the opportunity to live some of my dreams before we met. I won't deny that I look up to him in that regard - but this is because he is so freaking groovy! From the beginning we had an uncanny connection - it surprised us even. We both share so many oddities and interests. We didn't have any idea we would mesh so perfectly! I do look to him for advice - but, I don't think it's in a unhealthy way. He's been there, done that. We are parents and I am certainly treated as an equal in our partnership.

Also, I have to say that, despite what he says about wanting poly, I keep having this sense that Podunk really prefers swinging. Perhaps the possibility of your having a deeper emotional connection with someone else, as in polyamory, hit him harder than he expected and feels like a threat to him in some way.
Swinging wasn't really working for us. Just like I mention about me personally in this thread - we both found that we craved connection. If anything, I think perhaps that maybe I am more of the swinger?! Something for me to think about. I didn't prepare for polyamory in a deep and meaningful way - even though I thought I had. I jumped right in to open sexuality all the while thinking to build a connection later. It's very hard to process at this time all of the emotions surrounding my acts. We may have found an interest in exploring things differently had we discussed my stay honestly when I returned. I didn't give us that option. I turned this in to a larger than life drama. The lies blur everything and make it difficult (dare I say impossible) to see what emotions are caused by which acts/breaches/lies.

Last edited by veganchick; 10-12-2011 at 08:45 AM. Reason: wordage
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