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Old 10-12-2011, 06:37 AM
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redpepper redpepper is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Canada
Posts: 7,660
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I think that there is a few things that can be done here that might help. I agree with whomever posted that making a schedule might work... Even on a weekend together that happens once in a blue moon, until you know each other in this dynamic enough it might help to have alone time scheduled with both men while they are both around. Maybe "nap time" in the after noon is a better way to get closeness and leave "night time" sleeping arrangements for you SRP. This is what PN, mono and I did for a time when he moved in, except for two nights a week when I would sleep with mono. It seemed to mean that our closeness stayed in tact.

Another thing I think is worth noting is that this is new. 10 months is just long enough to be giddy about this relationship, think its running awesomely and then have that die out until it is realized that this is working, but there are no fireworks every moment of the day. That isn't detachment, that is reality... not to mention, independence is a good thing. Being attached is borderlining co-dependent for me.

This is totally workable in time I think... it takes practice all this stuff. So you might have sleepless nights on the occasional weekend. So be it... let yourself feel what you feel, find something to do and learn to walk through it. Its all part of getting used to all that is going on. Most of us here know what it is you are going through, or been on the other side watching... those of us who got through it know its possible to to do so and live to tell the tale. It takes time.

I read this again today somewhere and it took on new meaning for me even though I have read it a thousand times... maybe it will help explain what I mean about how detachment might not be such a bad thing.

http://www.katsandogz.com/onmarriage.html
On Marriage
-Kahlil Gibran

You were born together, and together you shall be forevermore.
You shall be together when the white wings of death scatter your days.
Ay, you shall be together even in the silent memory of God.
But let there be spaces in your togetherness,
And let the winds of the heavens dance between you.


Love one another, but make not a bond of love:
Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls.
Fill each other's cup but drink not from one cup.
Give one another of your bread but eat not from the same loaf
Sing and dance together and be joyous, but let each one of you be alone,
Even as the strings of a lute are alone though they quiver with the same music.


Give your hearts, but not into each other's keeping.
For only the hand of Life can contain your hearts.
And stand together yet not too near together:
For the pillars of the temple stand apart,
And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other's shadow.
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