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Old 10-11-2011, 09:18 PM
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BlackUnicorn BlackUnicorn is offline
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Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 906

Originally Posted by CamInGA View Post
Recent trials have been about me wanting to date, and have a relationship with, a man. Plus, we rarely spend time together due to her work schedule and workaholism, and I get lonely and bored and seek out the company of others. Sometimes this is friends, but I have also gone out with guys I met online and tried to keep it secret, but she found out about it......big mess.
One of the forum moderators, redpepper, went through something similar with her ex-wife - they are still friends, but the relationship as such didn't survive. Which might be very well what you are headed towards. Or not.

Is the specific problem that Jean fears she can't compete with a man, or that since you are actually straight, you will walk out on her? Would she be more open to the idea of you being with another woman? If her objection is both to polyamory and to you being with a man, you have a rough road in front of you.

How is your relationship with Jean at the moment? Is there sex, affection, intimacy? I think that before going to pursue anything further, you really need to ask her to cut her hours or get some other help for her workaholism. Otherwise you spending time with another partner could work only to distance the two of you further, since initially, you would suffer from a heady hormone rush that makes existing relationships, especially if there's little quality time spent together, pale in comparison.

Your history with cheating will make it very difficult for Jean to work through her insecurities if and when you decide to pursue another relationship. There's tons of resources on jealousy management available, but she will need feel secure enough to even want to work through this with you.

I wouldn't advice you to bring this up with Danny before you've discussed it with her. If she later finds out, it will be hard for her not to see it as the two of you going behind her back and ganging up on her with an ultimatum that she either sucks it up or loses you both.

Many couples have faced the same situation and come out on the other side, together or separately. If you do feel this overpowering desire for male companionship and have already cheated in the past, I think it's actually more unwise if you continue keeping this under wraps for much longer. Chances are another opportunity will arise and you will cheat again, and everyone will end up heart-broken.

Good luck to you all!
Me: bi female in my twenties
Dating: Moonlightrunner
Metamour: Windflower
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