Originally Posted by nycindie
Also, I have to say that, despite what he says about wanting poly, I keep having this sense that Podunk really prefers swinging. Perhaps the possibility of your having a deeper emotional connection with someone else, as in polyamory, hit him harder than he expected and feels like a threat to him in some way.
An interesting line of inquiry worthy of an honest look and response from Podunk.
Veganchick also seems, perhaps, to have some fear/guilt/shame around exploring deeper intimacies outside of her relationship with Podunk, which likely contributed to her fear-based lying strategy. All very understandable stuff, if that's what it is. If this fear/guilt/shame is present despite Podunk's often enthusiastic supportiveness of his wife's other intimate explorations, perhaps Podunk can helpfully empathise with it and use this empathy as a basis for furthering forgiveness. And perhaps in this light Veganchick might find some self-forgiveness as well. For moving forward and onward surely must call for both of these forgivenesses, as much as the learning and growth experiences drawn from these difficult days.
Veganchick, I sympathize with your painful and difficult situation. (I sympathize with yours, too, Podunk.)
What I so wish for the both of you is that, Veganchick, you will encourage your "shaking" rather than resisting it. I mean, really let 'er rip! Your body is attempting to discharge a lot of stress and anxiety. Shaking is one of the ways the body does that. Crying helps, too.
[I once lay down on a floor and shook intensely for at least an hour and the experience released stress and anxiety in deep and ancient layers, freeing me of much anguish.]
I wish that Podunk would be completely supportive and loving to you as you shake and/or cry, and that he will forgive and heal ... And I'd love to see you two both open your hearts to one another in this difficult time.
It is clear to me that you each love one another very much.