Nycindie - GREAT insight!!!
Thanks for so patiently talking with me about this and offering your insights. You know, I think you are right about the V structure - I cannot imagine Jean with any man, because she is a lifelong lesbian, shes never had sex with a man and says she never wants to. And I don't see Danny being attracted to her, because she is butch and he likes girly girls like me, though they are clearly very close friends. The V structure would definately work out better for all of us, and if Jean wants to be in a V with another woman, I'm OK with that, too.
I have not talked to Danny about my attraction to him. My underlying fear in all of this is losing people who I value so much - I have been with Jean for 14 years, we have alot of history, support, co-mingled business dealings, etc. and I worry about throwing all that away. Danny and Jean and I are in the process of buying another business together, so I am scared about not only losing my dearest friends, but also my livlihood.
I fear that if Danny and I verbalize what we are feeling through our flirting, phone conversations, etc. he will feel forced to choose between his incredibly close friendship with Jean and me. He tends to deal with stressful situation through joking, so the few times I have kind of steered the conversation toward that general ball park, he has made some kind of a joke about it and changed the subject. Clearly he does not want to discuss it and put these relationships at risk.
But he did tell me that he used to go to swing parties with one of his old girlfriends, and I know he is very open to whatever - we have all manner of friends gay, straight, bi, etc. and his attitude has always been live and let live. He's dated strippers, models, etc. and he is fine with all of it, anything goes. He has not had a steady girl in the 3 years I have known him. He has this one friend Karen he sleeps with from time to time when they go camping, which is about twice a year, and that's it. Karen is moving to NC this weekend so that will put an end to that.
I don't know why I feel like I'm being so selfish about my feelings about all of this....I think that is the root of my fears. I am putting my needs ahead of Jean's and Danny's, and ruining what is currently a workable situation - a super close friendship and business alliance.