Originally Posted by Mara
the last time J visited with us I only spent one hour alone with him. I slept in the same bed with saltandredpepper every night during J's visit. Although J did sleep with us one night. Before he came to visit SRP asked me to choose whether I wanted the relationship with J to be solo or to include him. I wanted to include SRP....
I really don't want to ask SRP to leave or encourage it because it seems selfish and rude to have a visitor in our home that makes him feel jealous, uncertain or insecure.
I love SRP and want our life together to be supporting, loving, and nurturing. We seemed to handle things pretty well when we were all together. I fret that if he goes off by himself he will not sleep.His complex feelings in coping with feelings of jealousy have brought on insomnia before.
I guess I need to let go of that.
I struggle with feeling selfish in my situation, too. Sometimes I get into the thought cycle of "I already had one man who loves me...and now I have TWO?, some people don't have anyone..." realize that both you and SRP deserve love and happiness, ask SRP what he wants and needs, and compromise (reasonably) so that you both feel loved, nurtured, and respected. Don't feel selfish for loving J and wanting to have time with him, it's a destructive thought pattern. Enjoy your loves.