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Old 10-11-2011, 04:00 PM
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Anneintherain Anneintherain is offline
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Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Seattle-ish
Posts: 826

Originally Posted by saltandredpepper View Post
So how does it work out in the end when each partner dates separately? I can feel myself detaching some from the primary relationship as she and I have started down that path.
One more thing that works differently for everybody. For me there have been occasions where I feel a bit distant, and more times when I feel a lot closer to my husband depending on what's going on. My husband often feels a bit distant from me right before or right after a date he says, but that _might_ be because he isn't having any other sexual relationships right now.

That probably is compounded by the fact that my dates are at home the majority of the time for the moment, which means most of the time I'm showing up to bed with my husband 5 minutes after saying goodnight my boyfriend. Having a transition period between partners can be very useful (or necessary) for some people. I've seen other people talking about that in some threads/blogs here. I noticed it was much more relaxing when I was previously married, and had a 2.5 hour drive home from my boyfriends so there was space to process and direct my energy back to my primary instead of being all dreamy over my boyfriend.

We try to make sure that we have a night alone together after two nights where we have plans doing other things. Ideally we try to have every other day at home/out together, but it's harder to manage with his girlfriend's availability (and the availability of other people he goes out with, most of who have at least a couple of other relationships too) so juggling can be a bit tricky to manage sometimes.

My advice is to start off scheduling right off the bat, before it can ever become a problem of one partner being unhappy because they aren't getting their needs for quality time (or time to do chores and household stuff) met.
Happiness will never come to those who fail to appreciate what they already have.
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