Originally Posted by SNeacail
Having been the one lied to over and over again, I truly get Podunk's side of this, including the petty lashing out. BTDT. My husband would try to "explain" and to me it just sounded like a justification. I don't really have any advice, but it may be time to stop appologizing and stop trying to explain. If he asks a specific question, answer it honestly, in the simplest, breifest way possible. Hide nothing, but don't go off on long explainations and speculations as to motive. You broke boundries and you lied, your realize it was wrong, you want to fix it, "end of story". It will take a VERY LONG time to rebuild the trust.
This is where I have done my own begging. Her words ALL come out as justification, regardless of the intent. I have asked her to stop trying, to just accept my anger and my hurt. She can't give me that, the attempted explanations and their re-writes just keep coming. It's too much, there are no simple words or actions that can fix this! It just makes me more and more upset. Veganchick tries to fix it. It is circular. This is not a new dynamic for us, just magnified by the current disaster.
And yes, it will take a VERY LONG time to move on from this. Until veganchick accepts that, there is no possibility of reconciling.