Having been the one lied to over and over again, I truly get Podunk's side of this, including the petty lashing out. BTDT. My husband would try to "explain" and to me it just sounded like a justification. I don't really have any advice, but it may be time to stop appologizing and stop trying to explain. If he asks a specific question, answer it honestly, in the simplest, breifest way possible. Hide nothing, but don't go off on long explainations and speculations as to motive. You broke boundries and you lied, your realize it was wrong, you want to fix it, "end of story". It will take a VERY LONG time to rebuild the trust.
Originally Posted by Anneintherain
Bringing condoms home to dispose of at a later date - your explanation could make sense, or you could be having your subconscious sending you some strong signals, I mean you really didn't think about them until Podunk found them? After ALL the discussion about sex that's gone on in the last week or however long it's been? In his place, I'd be livid and assume the worst.
This kind of thing sends me over the edge. We do have an episode or two of cheating and LOTS of "little white lies" in our history. The first time I found an open wrapper, my heart shattered, my first thought was he had brought someone into our home and our bed. I was devastated. When I calmed down, my mind went to more rational explainations (he will use condoms on sex toys when he is alone) and I finally asked him about it and he did answer honestly. It has happened a couple more times and still the first thought is that he is cheating again. The last time, there was only a fleating reference to cheating, but then I just got on his case for not being considerate and leaving his trash lying around. Mind you we are a year into trying to fix our marriage.
Good luck to you both!