Originally Posted by nycindie
Perhaps the possibility of your having a deeper emotional connection with someone else, as in polyamory, hit him harder than he expected and feels like a threat to him in some way.
I think she might be somewhat accurate about that, as Podunk's last post about how what you felt about Bob was focused on "She thought I'd be HAPPY knowing she felt just as thrilled about him as she feels about me?!?!?!" Pretty much seems as he could be very threatened about you developing a connection that you'd compare with your primary relationship. Certainly you could tamp down your enthusiasm a bit when discussing people you hardly know, but you seemed clueless that he would be less than thrilled. I imagine it means you didn't see indications that he would prefer things start off slow or be sexual only? Maybe he didn't know until it hit him, or the problems with Paul happened. But don't beat yourself up over being genuinely surprised and happy that connections can occur like that. You thought you and Podunk were in the same place, so of course misunderstandings were going to occur if you weren't. Add that to your honesty lack about what happened with Paul, and it is not a surprise you're facing a crisis. It is actually a beautiful thing that you love Podunk so much that you assumed he would be happy for you making a connection.
I do think that in a lot of cases where transitioning from mono to poly or swinging to poly, that things have a better chance of working out if it goes slow, and this wouldn't be the first time that people thought they were open, happy, and ready, then took the plunge into a pool that was way too deep for them to navigate.
I am going to play devils advocate for a moment. Bringing condoms home to dispose of at a later date - your explanation could make sense, or you could be having your subconscious sending you some strong signals, I mean you really didn't think about them until Podunk found them? After ALL the discussion about sex that's gone on in the last week or however long it's been? In his place, I'd be livid and assume the worst.
My ex was sure we were perfect together, and he'd say and say and say it, trying to convince both of us. His subconscious sent different messages. After we separated, he wanted to date me, and my one rule was that he showed up on time. He showed up late 2/3 times. What his heart wanted and what his soul wanted were different things. Just keep looking inward and making sure you aren't sending mixed messages where your word says one thing but your actions say another.
I am glad you are taking some space physically, please take care of yourself emotionally too. One or the other of you needs to refuse to engage in conversation past 9 pm when emotions overcome common sense.