I need advice
I'm not polyamorous, my girlfriend is.
She wants a girlfriend along with me, and I want her to be happy, but I'm afraid and hurt.
She doesn't seem to understand how her wanting another partner, or lover, or whatever the right term is would make me few like less then I should be to her. I don't want her to take a new partner, its more than just the fear of losing her to this new girl or my jealousy or my views on what a relationship should be. She makes me feel special, for the first time in my life there's someone who cares about me, craves me, wants to be me, but now she wants to be with someone else too. It hurts. I've tried reading about the subject to better understand, but after a paragraph or two I just can't read anymore, my eyes start to water and I have to stop. I'm not the kinda guy to just start crying, the last time I cried was when my friend killed himself. I don't know what to do, I want her to have the girl and be happy, but I also don't. It makes me feel like I'm not enough for her to be happy when she means the world to me. To imagine her with someone else hurts me more than I can describe, it's just not how things work in my little world. But I want her to be happy, I need her to, I'd gladly go along with it, through the pain and jealousy if it weren't for my fear that I'll push us apart. Push her onto her new girl and eventually ruin our relationship. I don't know what to do. I wish I could make her understand the way I see things, or that she were monoamorous like me, or that I were polyamorous like her. But then she wouldn't be her or I wouldn't be me.
I just wanted some advice, I figured this would be the place to look.
I can't tell the people around me, they wouldn't understand. Hell I barely understand. I just don't want to lose her, she makes me feel like a real person, just looking at her makes me smile, makes everything better for a while. And I want her to be happy, I'd hate myself if I keep her from being happy. Please help me, I don't know what too do.