Originally Posted by Anneintherain
I don't think having to fess up to a lot of people about your lies was cool at all. If they weren't intimate partners who had a say in your safe sex practices, it's not really any of their fucking business. I do wonder if it was your idea or if it was Podunk's idea in order to humiliate you a bit.
I wondered this too, and was going to comment about it on Podunk's thread. Whose idea was it for you to write to all your new commune friends to tell them you were a horrible person because you didn't tell your husband you gave Paul a blow-job? I hope I'm not being too frank here... why would they care? They'd only just met you.
I think both you and Podunk had expectations that were too high for this trip. You'd met a new guy and felt some connection, you flirted online a little bit, then he invited you to visit for a week. This kind of scenario is not always going to work out. Sometimes, or even most times, it'll fizzle like it did with Paul. It doesn't mean you failed at poly. It's just how dating works--for everyone!
I think you need to let go of the shame you feel about what happened with Paul. It's okay that you gave him some blow-jobs even though you didn't feel like he was your soulmate. Connections build over time, and it's totally legit to explore a little physically with someone while you're trying to build a connection. It didn't work out with Paul in the end, but that doesn't mean that you should feel ashamed of the sex you had with him while you were getting to know him.