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Old 10-11-2011, 12:46 AM
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veganchick veganchick is offline
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The situation is not helped by the fact that I have been sleeping very little, have no appetite, and now constantly shake. I understand his lack of trust in me and have agreed to to cut off communication with those at the commune and was eager to accept that I not visit that community again. I shared details of my lying with a number of people at the community and a friend that we share. Podunk also had access to the messages I sent and the responses I received. I am hoping that by sharing all of this we can find a place of trust again. There has been a lot of hurt passed between us. I have offered to move out not out of spike and anger but out of hope that giving him that space would be healing for him. This was one of the initial requests he made. I would never take his home from him. He lives here near two of our children and has poured his heart in to repairing this house. He's done an incredible job. I struggle to find a way to give him what he needs right now. I am unsure, myself. He continues to tell me that we can never have that same love again and I continue to plead for another chance. I keep begging for him to tell me what I can do to begin the healing process. I'm making an effort at the moment to avoid conversation with him and allow things to relax. Trying to keep my distance. I'm hoping that this action isn't misconstrued as being not caring or unsupportive. I realize that I'm going to need to give a lot to prove myself. I can't just expect that he'll instantly forgive me and cling to all of the amazing details of our love. I'm starting to fully come to terms with the idea that I may never be forgiven. What a truly terrifying thought. Still, I have no one else to blame.
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