Following the conference, podunk and I spent several more days hiking/traveling. I was still thinking of how amazing it was to meet like-minded people and about this potential new relationship. During a hiking break one day, he and I spoke briefly about thoughts on sharing sexual details with each other. This was all hypothetical, as we had only shared experiences through swinging. He expressed an interest in not knowing the details but wanting to know “how far things went”. I wasn't sure at this time if I would even meet up with this other guy again. I have several online relationships that are very casual and distant but still sexy. I put my “new friend” in this same category.
But, after talking about communities for days, podunk strongly urged me to return. I was extremely grateful for his support – and also very pensive. I felt as if I was asking a lot and hoped that I would be as willing to reciprocate when the opportunity arose. But, I allowed myself to follow up and my new friend,Paul, offered to “host me” for a stay. I felt thrilled and nervous at the same time. I was really reluctant to leave my husband home alone. This was the first time in 6 years! I justified this by telling myself that I needed to live a little. We both get frustrated with life in our little town and would love to live in other areas. We live here, however, because podunk's ex-wife settled here with 2 of our kids.
At this point, Paul and I were messaging each other through Facebook. Some of the conversation got very sexy. I was excited about the potential but also about visiting this community for a longer period of time. I didn't want for Paul to feel “put out” by my stay and assured him (and Podunk) that my first priority was living the communal lifestyle. While we had discussed sexual topics – I'd begun to be unsure if he was really still interested in me. I have issues with self-esteem/self-doubt. Days would pass with no communication and I'd assume he just wasn't interested. Right before I left, however, he sent me a message about being interested in hooking up with me. I honestly wasn't 100% sure that I would but I surely hadn't closed that door. I didn't communicate that with Podunk. I did speak with Podunk before leaving about agreements and limitations, though. He graciously offered that I was free to do as I felt – given that I did so safely and that I didn't rush in to something before I was ready.