what an amazing family you have, annabel.
As an update, my boyfriend and I have been moving along with my husband and me to create more a more comfortable situation for all of us. We sat down and had a long discussion the other day. Basically, my boyfriend wanted to let my husband know that they were both there to make me happy and love me, and that he wasn't going to try to steal me, but he was going to be here for a while, and he wasn't going to be stranger around the house...not a "guy on the side" type of deal, but a real relationship.
They have a great metamour relationship starting, I think, we were just hanging out for hours, and it wasn't awkward for them, but I am still getting used to how to show affection to both of them when we're all in the same room. It takes time, I guess, but I am truly happy.