First: Last weekend I learned that Possibility's male primary is not the most sexually vigilant partner, or metamour, I've ever encountered. If there's no possibility of pregnancy he will go bareback because he can't maintain an erection with a condom. This has caused me to have some mild concern for my own health, the health of any current partners, and any future partners. It's only a 'mild' concern because it has been more than six months, closer to a year, since Possibility and I did anything of a sexual nature.
Second: I've come to the conclusion (don't know WHY it took me so long to acknowledge this) that I MUST have working communication with all partners, and preferably with metamours as well. There can be mind blowing sex but without communication it just isn't worth it for me.
If communication with Possibility doesn't pick up and become what it needs to be the odds are greatly increased that we will revert to cuddle buddies and movie friends, nothing more. Actually, that's not a 100% true statement. I've decided already that I am ok being cuddle buddies and movie friends and would like it if things stayed at that level.
I was on the brink of sorting through this stuff when I was hit by the brick of knowledge last weekend which sent me into shock which required me to keep quiet and sort through things before I said or did something really stupid. The worst part is, now that I can look back on the conversation, that he said he didn't know if he should tell me or not! Uhhhhhhhhhhhh, yeah, you should have told me this a fuck of a lot sooner!
I haven't had a chance to sit down with him and discuss things yet. I was supposed to see him on Tuesday but he had a family emergency which looks like it will be ongoing for at least the next couple of months
. I just sent an email asking if there's some time soon when we can get together without the kids so we can talk.
Through this experience I have learned that while I do know how to, and can, communicate effectively, if I have a partner who can't I tend to fall into the trap of non-communication. A trap that has no exit, no bottom. It keeps going and going until I either get fed up and put an end to the relationship or I keep falling further and further into the trap.
I haven't discussed the full extent of things with Breathes yet. He knows what's going on and trusts my judgment enough to know that I will talk to him about these things before they blow up in a spectacular way. That talk will happen later today *sigh*.
Things will work out eventually.