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Old 10-10-2011, 09:00 AM
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BlackUnicorn BlackUnicorn is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by newtoday View Post
In that year, we have fallen in love. We express that to each other regularly.

I guess I feel threatened that she will suddenly want that back with him and I'm suddenly unrequired anymore.
The two statements above seem a bit contradictory. I mean, he loves you - you are not just someone he vents his sexual frustrations on. How would you then be unrequired, even if his marriage would heal to a point of a renewed physical intimacy?

Quote:
Originally Posted by newtoday View Post
I'm hesitant to revisit it with him again for fear that I appear high maintenance or selfish.
Your jealousy seems to be pretty directly related to you not knowing what is your place in his life and heart, to the point where you try to watch your step carefully as not to appear "difficult" or "needy".

Why do you feel your relationship with him must be easy-breezy and without problems? Although you refer to yourself as the other woman, being a secondary doesn't mean you only get half a relationship.

There's the often circulated Secondary's Bill of Rights by Franklin Veaux, and one item on it goes like this:

I have the right to have and express all of my emotions. I knowingly and willingly accept that being secondary may place limits on many things (e.g., sharing family holidays or vacations with my partner, having my partner with me in a time of crisis or celebration). My acceptance of that possibility does not mean that I won't be disappointed or even sad during such times. Further, being secondary comes with some built-in challenges to security (especially in the beginning) and there may be times I need reassurance as to how and where I fit into my partner's world. I promise to do my best keep things in perspective and to avoid guilt, drama, temper tantrums and pouting, but I ask that my partner and his or her partners accept reasonable expressions of doubt, disappointment, etc. on my part.

I think it's time to get real with him.
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