I'm working hard on untangling my desires for my future with Gia/Eric from my desires for my future with Davis.
One example -- living arrangements. Could I ever live with G&E&B? We're not there in our relationship(s) yet and there would be some major logistical issues, so it's not worth seriously considering right now -- I wouldn't accept if they offered, mainly because A) I think it would really be rushing it and B) they live in the county and I love life in the city. But, maybe, some day, it could make sense. And, in my hazy daydreams at least, it could be so beautiful.
However, if I'm living with Davis and building a household with him, it would probably be a lot harder to fit that life into a life where I'd live with G&E&B. Does that knowledge affect my willingness to consider living with him?
I know that it shouldn't. The future is a big question mark, for all of us. I can't put my life on hold because of something that could maybe some day happen. Like, let's look at a different question -- could Gia and Eric and I ever be a closed, equilateral, polyfi triad? Er, sure, could happen in a possible future. But we're nowhere near that point now, so I sure as hell haven't let that stop me from taking other partners both casual and (now with Davis) serious.
The future, man. How the hell am I supposed to figure out what I want it to look like?? And how the hell am I supposed to move forward if I have no idea what I want my future to look like??
I know, let it go for now, I know... urgh, I'm just *so* bad at leaving things be. I'm going to at least talk a little to each of my partners soon about this question.
The major players. Me, 30ish bi female. Gia, girlfriend of 4+ years. Clay, boyfriend/dom. Davis, ex/friend/"it's complicated." Eddie, roommate & fwb.
The supporting cast. Eric, Gia's husband. Bee, Gia and Eric's toddler. Dexter, Gia's lover. Helen, Eric's lover. Izzy and Nikki, Clay's partners. Liam, Eddie's husband.