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Old 10-10-2011, 01:29 AM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TruckerPete View Post
Like I said, that's just one facet, more of a sex for healing type of thing. But maybe that makes my meaning a little clearer?
Ummm... no.

Hahaha! Actually, when I first read your initial post, I was confused. I wasn't sure what you were asking so I thought I'd wait and see what other people posted. But what I gather you want to know is if other people have/had friendships with people that they are able to have sex with, and still maintain the friendship without any hang-ups about having had sex, yet it doesn't become a romantic love-partner thang? And you are speculating why it isn't more common that we can fuck our friends, since we do have this nice friend connection with them anyway? And you're not referring to FWB type things because those tend to be more like fuck buddies, rather than good, close friends who you can fuck when moved to do so.

And when you ask, "Why must everything move toward a partnership?" is it because you've found that when sex happens in a Friendship, those friends seem to want to move it in that direction, of becoming a partner, romance, or something "bigger" or "other than" what already was there, simply because of the sex, rather than just continue to appreciate the friendship and also enjoy physical intimacy as a complement to the emotional intimacy of friendship? And when that (partnership) wasn't possible, then, perhaps, the friendship was no longer able to continue because, that person couldn't get past the fact that sex happened and you were "only" supposed to be friends.

Am I following you correctly?

I have had friends that I fucked, and some of those relationships continued as friendships and some did not. It seems that if we continued as friends, then we did not have sex again. It was like, the thing we both knew we did but never spoke about afterward if we were to continue being friends. Either that, or if we did have sex again, then the friendship had changed. For me these types of relationships happened many years ago, before I was married. I don't have a lot of friends now, but if it were to happen again, I think things would take a different course. I'm much more comfortable now discussing my feelings and expressing what's important to me than I ever was, so I think that might help keep the friendships from falling apart as they used to. But it still boils down to whether or not we can get past our default programming about what friendships, relationships, and sexual liaisons are supposed to be, and if we can let ourselves define them in our own ways.
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An excellent blog post on hierarchy in polyamory:
solopoly.net/2014/10/31/why-im-not-a-secondary-partner-the-short-version/

Last edited by nycindie; 10-10-2011 at 12:11 PM.
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