Originally Posted by heidi
I was pretty much into the experiences i was in. I didn't feel empty afterwards, I would say more energized, but not with the hopefulness that comes with the NRE afterglow. Do you mean if he was not with this other woman when these opportunities arose? Like if I had the choice between going to his house instead of having company? I would definitely have chosen to be at his house or him here. If he was unavailable for other reasons? I don't know. I guess I feel like that is something I should have been able to figure out before being thrust into withdrawal.
It often seems that once you are not looking for a relationship, or have already found a special someone, dating opportunities start popping up at every corner. A friend of mine is convinced that it's because you reek less of desperation
. You can self-identify as poly or not and still be with only one partner or none. There's no obligation to date others while you are involved with someone who has multiple relationships, and it doesn't mean you are mono either - just "fulfilled" at the moment.
Many people, when they pronounce they can't handle poly, actually can't handle a specific aspect of non-monogamy, be it honesty, jealousy, time-management, NRE, safer sex, whatever. There's no test you can take beforehand to see if polyships could be something for you - you'll have to try it out. I understand there's the fear that you will get really attached and realize you can't share him after all, but risk is a part of venturing out on any new relationship