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Old 10-09-2011, 08:00 PM
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redpepper redpepper is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Canada
Posts: 7,723

The quote you used was mine... I was talking about something different on my blog than what was brought up here I think and its left me confused.....

I was saying that I have felt constrained in the past by the monogamous relationships I had when it came to developing other close relationships, such as friendships; with men particularly... but also women.

Then I said what you quoted:
"I have always needed companionship and deep friendships and can't seem to manage that without it becoming a relationship of partnership. Variety is part of that I guess."

Mono and I have a deep friendship and partnership that is not like the formula for monogamy that I am accustom to from my past. My monogamous relationships were built on co-dependency and a closed mindset towards developing intimate/close friendships with others. This change in relationship style, now that I have something different with a man that is monogamous to me, seems to me to mean that mono or poly mean nothing in the long run as far as terms that describe go. Its all a matter of how you want to achieve relationships with people. I have come to a place of being description-less at this point.

The sex part of this plays a secondary role and I think that those that are like me but identify as sex positive first are achieving and living something similar but putting the sex first. So be it, it just isn't what I was trying to say about myself is all. I put the relationship first and if the friendship deepens to the point that it is worth adding sex, I will consider it and bring it to the table... it isn't brought to the table first, friendship is and then intimacy and closeness that comes with deep friendship is and then sex, which leads to a lover situation. This to me is what you were commenting on when you wrote on my blog TP no? Am I understanding that you are saying that you have experienced something similar in your own life? Or is the experience different?

I am with ray on this I think. I don't do FWB either. I have intimate friends and those are my loves or partners. That is it... "friends" is just not that deep to me... I have partners and acquaintances more than anything. At least this is what I think others see as friends. For me friends just is not a deep thing like it is with those I am closest to. The difference is, or crossing line is in the sex that is added because once that is added, I am yours for life in terms of intimacy, support, friendship, caring, giving, and dedication. If someone doesn't want that or can't handle that, I know now not to have sex with them.... most people are in that boat it seems.
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Last edited by redpepper; 10-09-2011 at 08:50 PM. Reason: topic for elsewhere.
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