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Old 10-09-2011, 02:45 PM
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rory rory is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Europe
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^Reading your last sentence it sounds like we're a lot like in that respect. I have a hard time with people expecting things of me, while I'm quite flexible with what I need from others. I'm working on the first part, though, in making boundaries I feel comfortable with. Maybe the distressing part for you here is not so much that he may want/need more than you feel you can give, but that you don't know what it is you want..?

Originally Posted by AnnabelMore View Post
He himself, however, is quite inclined to be monogamous -- he's tried to be interested in other women in the 4 years since we split up, but he couldn't ever really feel it. So, if we stay together I will very likely be his one and only partner. I don't know about numbers of days per month, but I would certainly need to be able to build a household with him and spend a significant amount of time with him in order to meet his needs as his sole partner.

So, I think that's what stability means in this context -- that we've set in place a firm foundation for a future we could share together... starting with, most likely getting a place together, blending finances, maybe making some long-term plans.
I think it's quite relevant for these considerations to know more specifically what his needs are. What are you comfortable with? What are your needs? What are you able, and willing, to commit to? Other than wondering if you want this kind of a relationship with him, are the above things you'd like to have with somebody or some people?

I'll disagree a bit with BlackUnicorn about waiting until you see how things settle with Gia, since no relationship is really ever in an end-point, where you can definitely say how big a part you'll play in each others life in the future. Things change, always.. However, it might be good to consider (and discuss with him) the place of Gia and Eric, as well as possible future partners, in your life. What is it that will make you both happy; how much of a part of your life is he happy with other people being? It's not just a question of what he (and you) can live with, but also what both of you want from life.

Just some thoughts.
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