oh I have so much to say....
agreed- the ring thing to me indicates bigger fish to fry...
The issue over marriage and babies?
Babies are forever, marriage isn't.... it's by far a bigger commitment...!!!! Be careful with that violet. You my think that it means something to be married to HMA, but if he were to have a kid with Anne, by default his attention would be going there. At least it should be going there.
Ceoli- I remembering you saying to me once, after you dated that couple, that you would like to have a "V" as I have. I suggest to you that perhaps you are feeling misunderstood because you don't have what you seek yet. It seems to me that the other "thirds" on this forum are largely happy with their position and are quite comfy and feeling loved and needed in their situations. Aussielover seems so and I know Mono seems so... (okay Mono, lets face it, this thing we have is pretty damned close to a triad in terms of what we speak of anyway). Perhaps you need to listen to that in yourself and begin seeking out primary relationships. This man you are getting to know on the west coast cannot offer you this situation. He sounds lovely and you sound excited and perhaps I am reading too much into your investment here, but he is just good while you could be seeking GREAT! Because you are seeking out good, you are maybe wasting the time you should be using to have GREAT!
Further more, .......and I'm so sorry for taking over this thread violet, but I have been thinking hard about you Ceoli and have finally thought what this might all be for you.... I think that perhaps because you have so much hard earned experience and wisdom about being a third, that is largely what you share on here. I would ask if maybe that keeps you in it? You are a strong advocate for the rights of thirds for sure, but perhaps you can let that go a bit and think about what direction you want to go now.
one last thing to violet, to get back on topic, and for the record...... I am a little shocked that you would allow anyone to tell you what you can and cannot do with your wedding ring. Once that sucker is on your finger, it's yours and for you to do as you will with it. I have been wearing mine on my right hand as I have lost a lot of weight and it doesn't fit, not to mention out of respect for Mono,,,, although it occurs to me of late that it looks like we are married when we are together and I like that.... a lot..... heh