ray, I just read your whole blog. Whew!
I think you said you were raised in a Christian cult? I wonder how that affects all your sexual feelings?
Also, I don't understand how people can do kink play and not have sex. It always gets me so horny, and I end up cumming anyway. Kink=sex, for me. I don't just feel satisfied with the endorphin rush. A few months ago, I had a 3rd date with a guy who loves to tie me down and tickle me. He got off on just that, but he only made me cum once and I had "blue balls" for 24 hours! It felt awful. I couldnt even masturbate until the confused feelings in my vajayjay went away.
Also, I don't understand how people can have a kink play partner and not consider themselves in a relationship. Kink play with one person, repeatedly, would seem to be so intimate, take lots of trust, and lead to strong feelings of closeness.
Love withers under constraint; its very essence is liberty. It is compatible neither with envy, jealousy or fear. It is there most pure, perfect and unlimited when its votaries live in confidence, equality and unreserve. -- Shelley
Mags (poly, F, 61) loving miss pixi (poly, F, 39) since January 2009, living together since 2013
"Master," (mono, 36), miss pixi's Dom for 3 years