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Old 10-08-2011, 09:39 AM
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BlackUnicorn BlackUnicorn is offline
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Hi there!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Darknyss View Post
The longer we were together, however, the less she seemed ok with things... C, for her part is admittedly bi-polar and has a history of being abused mentally and physically, and she only recently started going back to the therapist.
We often cannot imagine how things will feel until we experience them first-hand. Especially so if our ability to cope with things is hampered by existing conditions and/or past trauma.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Darknyss View Post
...(speaking about my frustration with her not finding a job, which admittedly was possibly out of line or none of her business, but I really don't have many people to talk to)... C has my password to my Y! account though, and went through my message archive and found the conversation and read it because she "had a feeling I was talking about her" when I mentioned I was chatting with T.
You mention that you depend on C financially. This might not be a situation that allows a person with mental health issues to flourish. Why does she have the password, is it a shared account? My partner could have my passwords to anything she liked, really, but she doesn't want to, because she values my privacy. For some reason, C doesn't value yours. The polyamorous setting might be feeding into her paranoia, if that is one of the symptoms she suffers from.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Darknyss View Post
I, for my part, am potentially borderline personality disorder (never been diagnosed, but fit most of the criteria) and I am *terrified* of being alone... I keep lowering my asking price until she agrees to stay and allow me to "occasionally have threesomes with her and a prostitute, as long as it isn't every month or something."

Sex is a big thing for me, and any relationship I am in will grow stagnant in my eyes if I am not allowed to explore sexual liasons with others outside. I feel terrible, like I'm not in control of my own destiny anymore. I may "occasionally" have sex with others, but she holds the keys on who, when, how often, etc. I feel like dying, but I can't let her go because I'll be alone...again...and I'm still in the middle of a divorce and need her help and (if she can get a job) her financial assistance to have any chance of getting my kids back.
Several red flags here. IMHO, unless you are talking of consensual D/s, no coupleship should be viewed in terms of controlling the other person. You depend on her and feel there's a power imbalance, because you need her more than she needs you. You view your relationship in terms of bargaining, which is telling in itself.

There's been discussion on this board around mental health and poly, and why people with certain diagnoses might be more drawn to non-monogamy than others. An all-succumbing fear of being alone combined with a need for promiscuity is a sure recipe for disaster, be it in poly, open or mono setting.

My advice would be therapy for you. Get a confirmation on your suspicions around the PD thing. And work extensively on your issues with being alone, your view of sex and relationships, feelings of self-worth etc.
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Me: bi female in my twenties
Dating: Moonlightrunner
Metamour: Windflower
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