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Old 10-08-2011, 03:50 AM
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AnnabelMore AnnabelMore is offline
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Originally Posted by nycindie View Post
Aww, no need to apologize, certainly! Every person's time and thoughtful input here is a gift.

Originally Posted by nycindie View Post
I don't know, I think you can cut him some slack here. For someone who is always busy, a long span of time with nothing planned can seem overwhelming.
That's well put, thank you. I should remember that just because his reaction is different than mine, that doesn't make it some kind of character flaw.

Originally Posted by nycindie View Post
"I want Davis as my best friend and my lover."

Why can't you just tell him that? Your statement is definitive about what you want and how you want it to be. There can certainly be a commitment to that. And it certainly can be stable as "best friends and lovers." Since he's able to be patient and not demand some kind of answer for six months to a year, I don't think you really need to fret about it. However, it's probably helpful to note that there is an element of unease or dissatisfaction with the situation -- or having to define it. Perhaps you sense (or imagine?) some pressure coming from him about this, and maybe it's more gratifying to you to just have it BE what it is rather than have a defined role, and that's what's bothering you.
Again, all really well put. I think you're on the money here. You can see above in my response to BU my concern that it's not possible to get what I'm feeling like I want here (love, friendship, no commitment). I could just leave things be, I know that, but it's hard not to try to think it all through and work it out...

I talked all of this through with Gia earlier tonight (more on that later) and I think I'm finally getting to the point where I'm ready to say more of this to Davis directly. I've been afraid to let it all out and potentially mess things up between us when maybe I'm just overblowing things. But he deserves to know what's going on in my head and to not be blindsided if I do decide to leave.

Originally Posted by nycindie View Post
When you rekindled things with him, was there any promise or even implication that it was supposed to head toward life partnership?
Yes, we re-entered this relationship with the understanding that the goal was to move towards building a life together. Assuming everything went well, which is in no way a given right now, the idea was that we'd move in together in May when my lease with my roommates is up.
Me, 30ish bi female, been doing solo poly for roughly 5 years. Gia, Clay, and Pike, my partners. Davis, ex/friend/"it's complicated." Eric, Gia's husband. Bee, Gia and Eric's toddler.
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