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Old 10-07-2011, 12:59 PM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Podunk View Post
My understanding of what was going on in her mind.

1. The sex was over by the third day and she hadn't made any emotional connection with Paul. Even though they remained friends, she basically rationalized the lack of connection to the point of it becoming in her mind that "nothing had happened".

2. She felt like she was cheating even though she had full permission and was not.

3. She had made that emotional connection she was craving, with someone else on the last day of her visit. There was no sex, but this connection had diminished her connection to Paul to the point where it was insignificant outside of the interesting friend level.


. . . She actually can't remember now if this happened. She has gone so far as to email Paul to see if he remembers. I think that's a pretty sad statement about her actions. If she is to believed, there were now only two sexual encounters. And she can't remember? Maybe that would be the norm if we had multiple or casual partners, but this is a first and it was one person. How do you not remember that?
The fact that you say it's "pretty sad" that she doesn't remember hints at the judgment you have that she may be afraid of. Believe me, there are lots of reasons why someone can forget stuff like this. Adrenaline and other brain chemicals happening during sex, possibly with a feeling of being so forbidden, especially if she had rationalized it in her mind as you stated above in your numbered list. Plus the intensity of your reaction, could easily have clouded her memory. The experience could have been traumatizing in its own way to her, and that often makes people submerge memories.
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An excellent blog post on hierarchy in polyamory:
solopoly.net/2014/10/31/why-im-not-a-secondary-partner-the-short-version/

Last edited by nycindie; 10-07-2011 at 01:18 PM.
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