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Old 10-07-2011, 06:35 AM
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Phy Phy is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Germany
Posts: 651

Originally Posted by Carma View Post
I suppose the "soft and dreamy" impression stems from all the love I am witnessing between you 3. It is really an inspiration. When I read your journey I see three very healthy, respectful people who know how to truly love. Thank you for sharing.
Thanks for these kind words, I am glad to get such positive feedback and that you got something out of my little story

Originally Posted by Carma View Post
Your men are incredible.
Oh yes, they are There has been more than one time when I thought the exact same thing. We were somehow lucky that we found each other. This wouldn't have been possible with just some random people. There seem to be too many that are not able to live like we try to do now.

Originally Posted by Carma View Post
Interesting about the height difference. How often men size each other up!
I remembered a conversation I had with Sward on our 11th anniversary (which was on Sunday last week ) about my habit of enervate/ belittle/ feminize/ 'cutify' Lin (I can't find the exact word I am looking for but it is a mixture of them all in a positive sense). He warned me to not overdo this because he feared that Lin may be offended by this after the NRE period is over. I kind of can't help myself in that regard, because … well, he IS just cute ^.^ . Compared to Sward and myself he is small and a bit tiny and sensitive and cuddly and … ( I just realized that English is lacking words there, you need to improve this part!) well, whatever you can think of to describe a person dear to you who piques your protective instinct. Of course this isn't the whole picture but most of the time I just want to wrap him up and protect him. But I think Sward is right, this could affect Lin in a negative way and I had to concede to Sward that he got a point there. I promise improvement in that domain And I was really happy that it was Sward who called my attention to this circumstance. Every time something like that happens I start to clap my hands internally and sing “It works, they care, they care ...” Happy, stupid little thoughts but they make my day.

But I don't consider myself 'uber' (how strange that you use Germanisms like we do with the English language btw, sounds so strange to me ) lucky that I seem to be the one that is able to fill the needs and desires of two men simultaneously. Sometimes I feel immense pressure to be honest. Even though they assure me that all they want is me for the time being I kind of don't get it. One of my fears is that there will come a time when they realize that I am not able to be all they want, I mean they are monogamous and they need to live poly to be with me, there just has to be some discrepancy between 'want' and actually 'get' later on. At least as far as my imagination is concerned.

This week is my last week home, my first lecture starts on Tuesday. I am looking forward to be on the campus again regularly, but I am a bit troubled how this will affect Lin and me. I would have loved to have more leisure time with him and I know that he would need some. We didn't get to be alone much, the first week was all about the formalities and the second was filled with a seminar he had to visit to improve his chances to get a job. I know that this is just everyday life knocking at our door but some more time in our little bubble would have felt great. *sigh*

But I hope for the time that we got together (all three in the evening while preparing and eating dinner and some alone time in between when he and I are home and Sward is still at work) to be enough and for my abilities to make it special. There are this 'moments of longing' when I feel a sudden urge to snuggle up with one of them, but mostly it's the two of them at a time I have to admit. Which is kind of complicated because I don't want to lump them together all the time. I need to think of special things we can do to get some quality couple time I think. The two of them got more of this with each other than with me, because they love to drive to the do-it-yourself store to look for new possibilities to beautify and improve our flat. We kind of need to work on that part
Facts: 30, female, bi, v-type relationship with Sward (husband, straight, mono) and Lin (boyfriend, straight, mono), poly-fi and co-primary.

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