I'm resurrecting this old post to say hello!
I can competely understand your situation, if I had stayed with my previous lover I can imagine I would identify very closely with what you said.
I have to say that I am glad I didn't end up with preconceived notions of what would work - I feel I would only have ended up letting myself down.
Having said that; I just hope you find a situation that works for you. Good luck on your journey fellow twenty something human being! You said you were trying to analyse it; make sense of it. Come share!