Lordy, do I ever know what you mean. :/ It's a struggle to pull back when all you want to do is be closer. But RP is right. Maybe someday, if it's what you all want, this could be a co-primary triad or vee where you're not the secondary. Maybe you'll move in or blend finances or co-parent or something. But for now, you're doing yourself AND the relationship(s) a major disservice by putting in more energy than they're able to give you in return.
Give it all some space, throw yourself into the rest of your life, flirt, maybe even take a lover on the side if you want. If you're secondary you're half-single, in a way, so try to embrace the good, fun, liberating parts of that fact. Maybe the space will help them resolve whatever it is that's got them fighting, maybe it'll get them missing you, or maybe it'll just help you figure out if you really can be ok in this situation.
The major players. Me, 30ish bi female. Gia, girlfriend of 4+ years. Clay, boyfriend/dom. Davis, ex/friend/"it's complicated." Eddie, roommate & fwb.
The supporting cast. Eric, Gia's husband. Bee, Gia and Eric's toddler. Dexter, Gia's lover. Helen, Eric's lover. Izzy and Nikki, Clay's partners. Liam, Eddie's husband.