Thread: BDsm
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Old 10-05-2011, 11:27 PM
nycindie's Avatar
nycindie nycindie is offline
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: The Big Apple
Posts: 10,083

Originally Posted by RunicWolf View Post
I use the term "vanillia" in regards to "average". I have never met someone who didn't like something "kinky" in the bedroom.
Okay, I think I'm getting it.

Originally Posted by ray View Post
It sounds like you're pretty creative in bed and i'm sure your partners love it!
Well, yes. *blush* Shorty used to say I was a "spirited lover."

Originally Posted by ray View Post
I think many people are more kinky than they perceive themselves as being. I wish it didn't have to be so black and white where there are kinks and vanillas. I think it's more of a spectrum at the end of the day.
Okay, good way to think about it.

I think what I find off-putting, f'rinstance, is like on OKCupid -- when someone says in their profile that's what they're looking for right off the bat. I can only feel comfortable being "a little kinky" after I know someone and we have enough trust between us. So it makes me want to stay away from guys who are so out about it, because I don't want to be in a position of deflecting away any kinky advances I wouldn't want being directed toward me. I once made the mistake of getting a little kinky with a guy on our first date and it felt really shitty.

It just seems like during the 12 years or so that passed while I was with my ex, people have become so much more into labeling and defining and "specializing." I don't recall people announcing how kinky they were before going on a date with someone back when I was single. Oh, no doubt, I know the BDSM community was out there and I wasn't so naive not to know about dungeons back then, but back then (and I guess the internet being fairly "new" back then also plays a part in this), the "single ads" for "those kinds" of people had their own special page in the back of the Village Voice, if you know what I mean. Seeing it so often nowadays, I kind of take it as a warning, I guess. I don't want to be with someone who can't have plain old, vanilla sex at all, ever. I went to a party once and some guy introduced himself to me, "Hi, I'm a switch, my name is ___." When someone IDs a certain way, and informs me how he likes to have sex before he tells me his name (LOL), it would seem like that's the most important thing to them and I would rather be with people for whom a solid healthy relationship is most important.

But this thread has been pretty informative.
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Last edited by nycindie; 10-05-2011 at 11:30 PM.
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