10-29-2009, 09:29 PM
Join Date: Jul 2009
Originally Posted by monovcphg
imo violet has every right to be pissed about the idea of taking her ring off. By joining hma in a marriage she is in fact committing more to the relationship. Anne will not be tied to him in any other way than emotional at least initialy. They may be loved equally but the level of "real life", day to day integration, and legally functioning commitment is greater for violet.
There is an aspect of adulthood that seems to be missing when discussing equality and levels of commitment in a lot of these threads.
Adults build unions that are not only based on loving emotion. They build them on paying taxes, maintaining households, creating retirement plans, and mowing the fucking lawn. Real life shit. It's great to have relationships based on dating, intimacy, sex and common interests…but it is the ones that hold up to the day to day stuff that embody commitment, dedication and sustainability.
That doesn't make other relationships not worth pursuing or any less rewarding in some ways. But it makes them different.
Value in anything is generally a reflection of what is put into the equation. Why should this be any different when dealing with romantic relationships?
If it is a visible disparity that hma is concerned about, get anne a ring too. Don't water down the symbols of violet's marriage; elevate the symbols of anne's commitment to hma and her.
I don’t get many things right the first time
In fact, I am told that a lot
Now I know all the wrong turns, the stumbles and falls
Brought me here...
And where was I before the day
That I first saw your lovely face?
Now I see it everyday
And I know that I am
I am, I am
~ Ben Folds five ~