Thread: BDsm
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Old 10-05-2011, 06:29 AM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
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Originally Posted by AnnabelMore View Post
Originally Posted by nycindie View Post
Non-kinksters can push past boundaries, address sex and sexuality issues, and gain deep self-knowledge in other ways.
Was anyone saying that there aren't many ways to do those things, or that non-kinksters can't? I never got that impression.
Nope, no one said that here (at least recently; I haven't read this thread all the way back to the beginning). That was not meant to be a defensive statement to anyone here in particular, just a statement -- but it was related to the use of the term "vanilla" and how it is often used to convey the idea that people not into BDSM are boring and not as enlightened. I have come across that on other blogs and forums (like I said, I read around a bit). Like every alternative practice, there's always going to be some "One True Wayers."

Originally Posted by AnnabelMore View Post
As a postscript, I'll admit that I've had to work hard not to take some of this personally. I know it's not meant that way, but it's hard to see one's orientations and deeply held desires scrutinized under a microscope by people who don't share them to try to determine if they're valid. I see utility in this conversation, it just ain't always easy to have.
I am not so much trying to determine if it is all "valid," as much as I am trying to understand what people get out of it and why the appeal. I know it is a valid option for many people, just not for me.

As for my fears, it's more of a protective thing I have around people who may be embarking into something they're not equipped to handle (I don't fear for myself because I would never do it, beyond a few mild sex games). I am a worry-wart. I worry about people and things that can happen a lot... make that A LOT. See when it goes from bedroom play to 24/7, that worries me. It just seems so potentially dangerous, psychologically, psychically, and physically. I do like the idea of certain kinds of danger (for example, having sex in public with the chance of getting caught appeals to me), but I believe in individuality, autonomy, and every person's right to exercise free will, so submitting to someone as a slave is almost anathema to me. For that reason, I am relieved by your telling me that most often only certain aspects of one's life will come under another's control.

And as for what I find disturbing, basically any kind of enslavement of another human being is disturbing to me, so it takes a lot to grasp that in D/s this is voluntary, something that someone actually wants. The extreme versions of it, ie., to be collared, gagged, not be allowed to cum, or even look at their mate without permission, and paraded around on a leash, etc., I just... I can't relate to that in the least. Also in the larger picture of various BDSM practices (not just D/s), there are plenty things I find disturbing simply because... well, it would hurt a lot. Needle play, caning, public degradation, tit or genitalia torture, all that gives me shivers because it's so... Medieval! Ouchie! See, here's the thing about me: seeing a player get tackled in a football game makes me hide my eyes. I can't watch any kind of boxing or fighting. I don't like to see people get hurt. I wince, I am squeamish, I have bad dreams about it for days afterward. I can't see scary, gory movies even though I know it's all CGI and makeup.

And I'm definitely not into any kind of humiliation. Like making someone into furniture or saddling them like a horse and riding them? I'm intelligent and trying to be as open as I can, but I am struggling to see how much pleasure these acts could possibly provide. And especially when people say that it's not just about sexual gratification. It all goes against everything inside me to accept that someone would want to be tied up and used as a hallway table, to crouch there for hours, do you know what I mean? Maybe it's my arthritic knees that react first to that one, though, LOL.

At least give me credit for being curious, asking questions, and wanting to understand.
The world opens up... when you do.

"Oh, oh, can't you see? Love is the drug for me." ~Bryan Ferry
"Love and the self are one . . ." ~Leo Buscaglia

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Last edited by nycindie; 10-05-2011 at 10:25 AM.
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