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Old 10-05-2011, 04:12 AM
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redpepper redpepper is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Canada
Posts: 7,723

Ha! I just read your thread and had the same thoughts as Sourgirl and NYCindie.

Why the communicating when the chips are down and he decides he doesn't want poly? Why not communicate all the way through... I have not seen so much assuming and expecting going on. I guess as it isn't part of my life so much it kinda floored me right from the beginning.

How's this dialogue as an alternative:

First of all they listen when you say this isn't a good time right now because of my show opening and because I am really not over the abortion I have.

Second, if they show up and she is staying over night how about saying that they want to have sex and spend time with you. To which you can say, "no, I'm not interested right now due to this that and the other thing and further more I would appreciate it if you two wouldn't and this is why."

Third, having dinner.... really? he could of just said, "you know, I would really like to go down on this woman right now, how would that be for you and you? And could you put that dog out? He/she is driving me crazy."

You could of said, "could you come to bed as soon as you have said your good nights? I would appreciate that. Thanks."

Fourth, while sitting in your bedroom wondering what is going on you could of yelled to them, "I sure hope you aren't having sex as I expressed those reasons before that you agreed to acknowledge (provided they did agree as you would of talked to them)."

Fifth, when he ran out sulking (and he had every right as NOTHING was at all clear), you could of said, "look, I realize you are upset right now, but I think we should say goodbye to our friend and talk about it when she is gone, or maybe with her right now. I do not want to give up on what we have started and I am pretty sure you don't so what do you say to COMMUNICATING ABOUT IT ALL. Including what our boundaries are, our thoughts on the future and where our desire lies in terms of what this all means to us."

It seems rather clear to me that if you actually start saying what is going on for you (ALL of you), how you feel and what you want/need, you will actually be in a WAY better position to be fulfilled.
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