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Old 10-03-2011, 08:17 PM
Anneintherain's Avatar
Anneintherain Anneintherain is offline
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Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Seattle-ish
Posts: 826

I am not sure why you don't think you're allowed to have boundaries. It might seem weird to you that you're ok with threesomes but feel awkward to hear them having sex when you're not participating, but it isn't abnormal. I have seen other people post about similar feelings. If you are constantly feeling you aren't allowed to tell your bf what bothers you because he will think you're.... well all the negative things you seem to be telling yourself that you are... then I still think it's an unhealthy relationship to be in.

I haven't heard my partners have sex with other people, but if it happens and I don't like it, I have no problem telling them how I feel, and doing any of the following -
1. try to deal with it and see if I can work through my feelings and get to a point where it didn't bother me, or amused me.
2. make sure I am not in a situation where I will be around when it happens
3. asking them to arrange to be doing it elsewhere.
4. asking them to refrain while I am home
5. ask them to use a gag and keep quiet.
6. ask them to check with me about if I am up to hearing before they start having sex, giving me the option to say yes, to say no, to put on headphones, whatever.
7. (I haven't had a threesome, but I can imagine it is OK to ask that all sexual activity is among the three of you since your time together is so finite)

None of these are bad options IMO, and there are plenty of choices available to you, but being able to talk to your partner about it, reaching compromises, working TOGETHER to try to make everybody comfortable is a good thing don't you think?

Are you able to tell your girlfriend how you feel, or about things that bother you, or do you worry she'll judge you as needy and insecure too so you keep your mouth shut there too?

Whether you feel more comfortable being honest with her than him, or you find it hard to be honest with both of them...either of those should give you some food for thought.
Happiness will never come to those who fail to appreciate what they already have.

Last edited by Anneintherain; 10-03-2011 at 09:09 PM.
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