Originally Posted by Lucinda
Well the thing is, a lifestyle submissive needs the other person to take the leadership role. To be dominant honours the submissive person's desire to not have the responsibility of directing the relationship. To be dominant respects the submissive's very real need to have somebody to serve.
Ideally, the dominant person is somebody who will be responsibily about this so that stepping out of role to renegotiate is unnecessary. Occassionally, even when the dominant person acts in good faith and does their best to be responsible, some renegotiation is necessary. But when they step out of their role, they put their real self on hold. The dominant or submissive aspect of their personality is their real self.
I'm sure that's very true for some people but I don't think it is for all. My roommates, Eddie and Liam, are in a 24/7 D/s relationship, with Eddie as the sub. There are a few limits in their contract but for the most part it's total power exchange.
And, oddly enough, Eddie actually has the somewhat more dominant personality between the two of them. But they tried a dynamic with Liam as the sub and he just didn't respond to it well. Still, they both craved a D/s dynamic, and Eddie was switchy enough that they found it worked the other way. So they went with it, and it's been that way for a year now. As near as I can tell (and I spend a lot of time with these guys), they're both happier now.
Yet I know Eddie could easily take on a dom role with someone else, in a different situation.
I don't think they're just total freaks either, I know of other people who tend to top tops and dom doms, and in theory some of their relationships could become 24/7 too. Plus, for instance, a dom could say to their sub "I order you to pursue and then dominate someone at this club here tonight, for my pleasure, since I enjoy watching you do it" and then the "dommy sub" would get to have their cake and eat it too.
Shit's complex, yo!