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Old 10-03-2011, 03:49 AM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
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As someone still recovering from my separation and impending divorce, I can relate to the mixture of nervous excitement, sadness, and confusion you're feeling. It's been over a year since my hubs moved out and I've been dating, am seeing someone casually, and for the last two days I've been crying on my couch over the end of my marriage. Sometimes I miss my husband so much it is overwhelming, even though I totally enjoy hanging with my lover. And there's a whole realm of possibilities out there waiting for us, which is very often difficult to grasp.

Frankly, I don't think you have to worry about find a poly man who will enter into a poly arrangement with you right away. It's not like poly tangles just snap into place in someone's life like a puzzle piece. The right combinations of people often take time to find and develop. Besides, you say you don't really know what you want anyway, so how can you plan or predict?

So, date! Date for fun. Date with the goal of going out, doing fun things, and enjoying someone's company. There are so many cool guys in the world, what's wrong with meeting someone, getting to know him and seeing what happens without steering things toward some end goal? You don't even have to bring up the word polyamory right away, just tell the guys you date that you're seeing someone and are open to dating other people, and you just want to take things slowly. As you date more, you'll meet someone who wants to keep seeing you and then you each get to know each other more, you'll let him more and more into our life, and things will just progress the way they're meant to!

Breathe, relax, have fun.
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"Oh, oh, can't you see? Love is the drug for me." ~Bryan Ferry
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An excellent blog post on hierarchy in polyamory:
solopoly.net/2014/10/31/why-im-not-a-secondary-partner-the-short-version/

Last edited by nycindie; 10-03-2011 at 03:53 AM.
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