Originally Posted by nycindie
Gosh, CC, in reading through this thread and seeing your rules and the rationales behind them, it seems to me you want to keep a really short leash on your gf and in ways that are somewhat unrealistic or a tad overbearing. It doesn't surprise me that she's broken them.
I think that if you two have agreed to be polyamorous and open, that there has to be some leeway for the unexpected to happen. You say you want information about what's been going on with a guy before she hooks up with him, so that you don't have any surprises because that feel like cheating to you. But how about the possibility that her life is her own and she doesn't need to report back to you every little flirtation that happens. AND instead of wanting some sort of insurance against surprises, accept that there will be surprises. Your feeling hurt by her spontaneously getting together with a guy without you knowing about it beforehand is totally on YOU. She is not hurting you; she is being herself and living her life while you are choosing to feel hurt by it.
Well... Cindie, I can actually relate to cuddles as far as that unexpected hookup his gf had, when she told him (cuddles) she just "happened to bump into" a guy from OKC, when the reality was, she was out clubbing with friends, texting with OKC guy all night, got drunk and met up with him at 3AM! I know I'd feel awful if miss pixi did something like that, and lied/downplayed it... "Oh, we just bumped into each other." When caught in that lie, "Oh, it wasn't a 2nd date, just a continuation of our first one." Yeah, right.
Love withers under constraint; its very essence is liberty. It is compatible neither with envy, jealousy or fear. It is there most pure, perfect and unlimited when its votaries live in confidence, equality and unreserve. -- Shelley
There's no lying in polyamory!
I'm a 58 year old woman with 2 partners:
miss pixi, my live-in gf, 36 (together since Jan '09)
Ginger, bf, 61, married, lives nearby (together since Jan '12)