Originally Posted by rolypoly
...what I really want is a lot of independence. I just love thinking about the person I'm in love with being off on their own, doing their thing, playing, whatever... and then knowing when I see him/her it will be genuine, sweet and s/he will tell me all about it!
Complete honesty, but no ownership.
I'm searching to see if this is an intimacy issue within me. Afraid to commit fully, afraid to be "tied".
...I do, however, get very sick of being touched, sick of talking, sick of seeing any one face for too long and need my space after a while....
People sometimes ask me if I'm ever going to get married.
"A girl would have to be crazy to want to marry me" I tell them, "and I'm not gonna marry some crazy girl."
I must have looked up the word "commit" in the dictionary a half a dozen times if I've done it once. I keep thinking somehow the way people use it like it's this really desirable thing. How many times have I heard people say "oh, s/he's got a fear of commitment." as if it were a bad
thing! The dictionary definition has a lot of examples regarding uses of the word in such ways as: "She was declared legally insane and committed to the psych ward." "He committed murder in the 1st degree."
This is a bit tongue in cheek (in syncronicity with the theme for this thread) but really commitment is about promising and dedicating not just in the now
but for your future
self as well.
I have a big problem with that. It's not that I "haven't met anyone I've liked or loved enough." as I've been told. It's not that I don't feel as deeply as the next person. It's that I think about the implications of what it means to decide something for someone whom you have not yet become.
It's the reason I knew I wanted a tattoo when I was 14, but didn't get one until I was 19. It's the reason I know I don't want to father any children, but I haven't gotten the oh so reasonably priced vasectomy that could give me a greater peace of mind.
It's the reason I will very rarely make a promise.
When I was thinking about getting a tattoo, I had several ideas that I thought were pretty cool. But you know what 14 year old Legion was thinking? "What if when I'm 25 or 40 or 60 I don't think ________ is cool anymore? I'll be stuck with a tattoo that I don't affiliate with, or quite possibly even hate!"
I'm not interested in committing what I hope is a bigger, better, wiser and brighter "future self" to the possibly short-sighted decisions of my present self. The more freedom I can retain for the future self to move around in, the better off I think I'll be. I certainly do appreciate the freedoms afforded me by my "past self" (no kids, no car payment, no "Jolly Roger" tattoos on my forehead)
Rolypoly, I think it's perfectly reasonable to want a partner (or three) that doesn't mind you wandering off and might wander off themselves.
redsirenn - about this quote:
"I think they donít really believe in love, and I think they force themselves to deal with the thought of the person they love having sex with other people because they think thatís the only way to really hold onto their love."
I think is ridiculous. Someone might feel that way but not me. I know I believe in love; I'm about the most romantic cynic you could ever hope to meet. I accept the idea of people I love having sex with other people because it's what they choose for themselves and I love them for being themselves. I accept their choices in occupation, location, lovers, diet, pets, &c. I may show concern for them if any of the above seem to be unhealthy choices, but ultimately, I love these people and I trust them to make their own decisions.
The only way to hold onto my love is to let it flow out of me so the infinite spring within me does not dry up but continues to flourish.