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Old 10-01-2011, 04:17 PM
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Derbylicious Derbylicious is offline
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Join Date: May 2009
Location: Victoria BC
Posts: 1,603

I read this blog posting yesterday: and I had an emotional gut reaction to it. I read it and felt sad. It seems to me that as long as we continue to hilight the differences between different poly people the more those differences will seem to be "real".

When I talk to people in the general public, friends who aren't poly, I talk to them about what my lived experience is and how I approach poly. For me poly is very much about family and building a secure base of mutual consideration. So for me in my life it isn't all about the sex. I have people in my life who are part of my chosen family who I am in no way sexual or romantic with.

I also reacted to the perception that because I may not be willing to engage in more casual liasons that somehow I wish to stop others from doing the same. I know where my need to be in a very trusting place before engaging in sex comes from, it's something I could work on but I really am ok being the way I am. I just don't want to place myself in situations where more casual encounters are likely to be encouraged or expected because *I* feel threatened by it (unfortunately especially when these advances are made by men). If it's something people enjoy doing and everyone comes away happy from it I'm happy for them. There are a lot of things sexually that I don't get but it doesn't mean that I don't want others doing it or talking about it.

As for the public perception and the court case in BC. The case is going to affect those who are living together with more than one partner. Therefore these people are more like the family model. So it makes sense when talking to people who have some power over the laws to explain to them how little lives with 3 or more adult partners don't differ that much from those with 2 adult partners. There isn't any law saying who or how many people you can engage with at once if you aren't living together. So dating (even being married and dating) isn't even on the radar of what the law is about.

So is poly about sex, yes it is about sex but it isn't ALL about sex and therein lies the difference.
Everything will be ok in the end. If it's not ok it's not the end.
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