Thread: BDsm
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Old 10-01-2011, 02:49 PM
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AnnabelMore AnnabelMore is offline
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Originally Posted by nycindie View Post
And to me, even if I were a submissive, I couldn't wait to say, "hold on we need to step out of our roles here so we can talk about this." I would want the freedom to speak my mind at the moment, no matter what role I'm supposed to be in, and confront shitty treatment right away. I don't think being in one of these power exchange relationships should preclude basic human rights to express ourselves and be treated with respect. If I were ever to want to try this kind of thing, it would certainly take a whole lotta trust in someone who had proven they were capable of handling this kind of responsibility before I'd ever even consider submitting to anybody.
I would say that in most D/s relationships subs can and do freely express any and all concerns. In some relationships, though, part of the dynamic is that the sub accepts things he or she wouldn't normally, or speaks with extra deference towards the dom, or says "stop, no, I couldn't poooossibly do *that!*" when he or she really *wants* to do just that, or engages in other mutually agreed upon and mutually desired behaviors that, potentially, inhibit the free flow of concerns.

But that doesn't mean the sub isn't free to express an overriding concern at any moment... as has been mentioned previously, that's what safewords are for. And minor concerns in those contexts can either be addressed with a milder safeword, like "yellow" for slow down instead of "red" for stop, or can be talked about at a different time.

Also, if shitty treatment of *any* regularity is a real concern, then you probably wouldn't have gotten to the point of mutual trust, knowledge of each other and respect where you would be doing the sorts of power exchange that might inhibit any type of expression.
Me, 30ish bi female, been doing solo poly for roughly 5 years. Gia, Clay, and Pike, my partners. Davis, ex/friend/"it's complicated." Eric, Gia's husband. Bee, Gia and Eric's toddler.
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