Originally Posted by River
Not being BDSM kinky myself (I'm pure vanilla, baby!) I can't help wondering whether this is uncommon treatment from a "top/dominant" toward a "bottom/submissive". I mean, where is the boundary between the BDSM dynamic and the ... well, everyday "vanilla" world?
A very short xeromag quote:
"But where do you draw the line? How much is too much?
You draw the line wherever you want to. There isn't one way to "do" BDSM, and not everybody is in to the same things."
To address your first conjecture first, no, it is NOT common for a dom to neglect and mistreat their sub, at least not any more than it is for people to treat their partners that way in other relationships... which is to say it happens more than anyone would like because people make mistakes and/or are assholes, but it's not the norm, *especially* not for experienced folks. But of course, as I said, there are exceptions.
As for the question of where the line is, which Veaux addresses, I'll elaborate just a little and say that for some people it's in the bedroom on rare occasions only. For others it's all the time everywhere (though that's relatively to very rare). And literally *every* other spot on the continuum between those two extremes is being practiced by some couple, somewhere.